"Want a Mentor?"

Guest blog by Dan Reiland

My mentor, John Maxwell, has written and spoken about being mentored by the great coach John Wooden among others. I recently received a question by email asking: "How does one go about getting the greatest NCAA coach (John Wooden) as a mentor? Did he (Maxwell) just ask for regular meetings and what does mentorship look like?"

Good questions.

I will admit that getting John Wooden as a coach is an extraordinary circumstance involving an extraordinary leader. But on the other hand, John Maxwell didn't start there. It was only after nearly 30 years of successful leadership that John was able to connect with Coach Wooden. It was John's desire to grow and his great passion to add value to people's lives that made the difference. The fact that John is a tremendous student is also a very significant part of the story.

Over the years I've wondered which is more important -- to have a great mentor or to be a great student? The easy answer is both. But more and more I think the secret is in being a great student. You can have the most brilliant mentor in the world, even a famous one, but if you aren't ready to pay the price, dig in, learn and change, it won't matter.

I love John's early stories about offering to pay $100.00 for an hour of someone's time just to ask questions and learn. Back then $100.00 might as well have been $1,000.00!! But that didn't matter to John. That showed how serious he was, and at age 65 John is still passionate about learning and growing. I think that's one of the reasons his books and talks are so good. They come not only from (now) 40 years of experience, but also from a fresh place of learning and relevancy.

In contrast, I've seen men and women receive an hour or so of someone's time and show up ill-prepared. They had no written questions. They talked more than listened and expressed very little gratitude. It was almost as if they had some time to kill and thought that might be fun. When you do that to a busy person, they will not give you a second meeting.

So, do you want a mentor? Let me offer some good advice.

1. Be good at something first.

This might sound strange, but you need to be good at something before you ask someone to help you be great at something. You can be good at anything! That doesn't matter. You may want to be a great leader and your only claim to fame is that you are really good at golf or giving a talk. Maybe you are brilliant at math or a technological genius type. Here's the point, if you are good at something, you have shown the passion and discipline to create the needed potential to become great at what you really want. I don't want to discourage you, but if you've just been hanging out and you've never worked hard at anything, you're not ready for a mentor. Perhaps you're a young adult and your only claim to fame is that you were an A student in college. Great! That's what I'm talking about. Get good at something first.

2. Seek someone just a little ahead of you.

A common mistake is to think: "If I'm going for a mentor, I'm going right to the top and getting the best." I appreciate the sentiment, but you are likely making a mistake. For example, if a pastor who serves in a church of 500 seeks a mentor who pastors a church of 5,000, the two of them clearly live in two different worlds and they barely speak the same language. Yes, leadership principles are leadership principles. That's true, but trust me on this, and this is the key, you are much better off being mentored by someone who understands where you are because they were there at one time, and maybe even not so long ago! If you lead a church of 500 try to get a mentor who leads a church of 800 to 1,200. This is not a legalistic thing. Don't get hung up on the numbers, just go with the idea. And of course, make the ask.

3. Think intentionally organic.

Don't ask for lots of regularly scheduled meetings. You will likely lose a potential mentor that way. Don't ask for monthly or even quarterly connects. Go for a more intentionally organic approach. Here's what I mean. If you can hang with a couple meetings (phone or in person) a year plus a few short emails, you might be surprised by how quickly you get a yes. Intentional refers to staying strategic and on purpose and the organic simply means to catch the meetings when it works out naturally in both your schedules.

You don't need lots of meetings, not if you really want to change and grow. Information requires lots of meetings -- transformation requires only a few. If you connect with a good mentor two or three times in a year, that is plenty. It will take you at least that much time between conversations to really put to practice what was given to you. Now let's do the math, if you have two or three mentors, you can see that would be six to nine meetings a year – basically way too much.

Note #1: When it's a boss/employee relationship, of course you meet much more often, but much of that is just "doing business." That's natural and normal. It is unrealistic to think that's all mentoring. In fact, if it is, you are likely into something closer to a counseling relationship than coaching and mentoring.

Note #2: When it's a crisis situation, everything changes. If it's a true crisis, your mentor will get that and quickly respond, and that requires more time. Sometimes in those situations I encourage the one I'm coaching to hire a consultant who can devote the needed time, and I remain as chief encourager during that crisis time.

4. Work harder than your mentor.

Don't waste your mentor's time. Show up with well thought through and relevant questions. Take notes. Work hard to practice what was discussed, and the next time you talk, tell him or her what you have done.

A good mentor will always have some questions, a resource or two, and good advice, but the mentoring is more your job than his/hers. You set the agenda and come with it in writing. If your mentor asks you to do something, make the necessary adjustments, but do it. This does not prevent healthy disagreements and intense conversations, but you either want their advice or you don't. If you don't, that's ok, but then stop taking their time and end the mentoring relationship with respect and gratitude.

I've been blessed with five mentors over the course of my life and I'm grateful! I'm sure that's part of the reason I'm eager to coach as many as I can. I trust that you will also pass on what is given to you. 

ABOUT DAN

Dr. Dan Reiland serves as Executive Pastor at 12Stone Church in Lawrenceville, Georgia. He previously partnered with John Maxwell for 20 years, first as Executive Pastor at Skyline Wesleyan Church in San Diego, then as Vice President of Leadership and Church Development at INJOY. He and Dr. Maxwell still enjoy partnering on a number of church related projects together. Dan is best known as a leader with a pastor's heart, but is often described as one of the nations most innovative church thinkers. His passion is developing leaders for the local church so that the Great Commission is advanced. As a communicator, Dan has a down-to-earth style that combines humor and strategic thinking. Each year he "coaches" many pastors and speaks to several thousand people, impacting lives and strengthening the local church. Dan and his wife Patti live in Dacula, Georgia with their two children Mackenzie and John-Peter.

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Are You Teachable?

As a leader for many years, and one who has been responsible for filling both staff and volunteer positions, I’ve had to think long and hard about the qualities to look for in a candidate. As I’m interviewing people, one of the biggest things that I’m looking for is teachability.

Everyone, of course, must first pass the Character test – are there flaws in this person’s character that will eventually cause them to self-destruct? They also must pass the Competency test – if hired, does this person have the skills necessary to fill the role they are being asked to fill? Beyond those two obvious ones – and competency can be acquired – one that I believe strongly in is the Capacity for Change test. In other words, is this person teachable? Can they learn?

Let me explain why I have placed this criteria right near the top of my list. If I know anything about leadership it is this: good leaders are life-long learners. So here’s the question: how can we be sure that we are continuing to learn? What does it mean to be teachable?

1.       Being teachable is more about attitude than aptitude.

Many years ago the Carnegie Institute analyzed the records of ten thousand people and concluded that 15 percent of success is due to technical training. The other 85 percent is due to personality, and the primary personality trait identified by the research is attitude.

While having a lot of talent is helpful, I’d much rather have someone with a teachable spirit than a Mensa member who already thinks they know everything. The reason for this is obvious: no-one knows everything. A potent combination is the person with great talent who is also teachable.  

We see examples of this in virtually every major sport. Young phenoms arrive on the professional scene having dominated everyone in their age group throughout their life. But once they reach a certain level, they find themselves competing head-to-head with others with similar track records. Those who go on to have successful, even spectacular, careers, are those who continue to apply themselves to learning new skills and techniques, and who embrace the discipline necessary to take their game to the next level.

If this is a weakness for you, John Maxwell, in his book Developing The Leader Within You recommends two things to help change your attitude: First, say the right words, read the right books, listen to the right lessons, be with the right people, do the right things and pray the right prayer.

The second was to do number one every day, not just once or only when you feel like it, and watch your life change for the better.

2.       Being teachable is more about humility than ability.   

This may seem like the same thing at first blush, but it’s not. Humility is all about recognizing that we can learn from anyone; it’s the understanding that there is much that we don’t understand.

John Haggai, author the outstanding book Lead On wrote that: “The man who knows everything, learns nothing, and so it is a humble attitude that sets the stage for the knowledge and know-how that lead to success.” It’s the humble person who realizes that we learn more when we listen than when we talk.

When Harry Truman was thrust into the presidency after the death of Franklin Roosevelt, a friend took him aside: “From here on out, you’re going to have lots of people around you. They’ll try to put up a wall around you and cut off any ideas but theirs. They’ll tell you what a great man you are, Harry. But you and I both know you ain’t.” There’s an important lesson here – we all have a lot to learn.

3.       Being teachable is more about the future than today.

As Mahatma Gandhi said, “The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would solve most of the world’s problems.” This speaks of potential. The person who is not teachable is placing a hard cap on their own potential. They are denying themselves a preferable future because, being unwilling to learn, they will be unable to change.

All of the good leaders that I know have a personal growth plan. They’ve actually sat down and looked at what they are doing to develop their leadership abilities in order to be better tomorrow than they are today. Benjamin Franklin said, “By improving yourself, the world is made better. Be not afraid of growing too slowly. Be afraid only of standing still. Forget your mistakes, but remember what they taught you.”

I believe that we have an obligation to our Creator to make the most of what He has given us. In the church it’s called stewardship. The question for all of us is this: what are we doing today to make us better tomorrow? Make a determination that you will begin today to make positive change. Here are a few suggestions:

Read. Many years ago I made a commitment to read from a wide variety of points of view in order to be relevant when I spoke. I read numerous newspapers and magazines as well as books ranging from biographies to novels, works of history, leadership, politics and theology. This helps to keep my mind active.

Listen. When I’m traveling by myself I’ll carry CD’s on Leadership from a wide variety of speakers. There are any number of downloadable podcasts out there as well that are well worth the time and effort. Also, make it a habit of listening to those around you. Cultivate an attitude that asks, “what can I learn from this person?”

Attend Conferences. I have made it a habit to attend at least one major leadership conference yearly in order to stay fresh. At this writing, I’m looking forward to The Leadership Summit in two weeks time. I find that the wide variety of speakers and ideas helps me to think creatively and challenges my assumptions.

Expose yourself to successful leaders. The internet is making our world ever smaller. We all can easily avail ourselves of the best resources from the best people. But also, as a pastor, I enjoy visiting great churches. When I’m on vacation, I try to arrange plans so that I can visit churches that are doing great things. It helps to broaden my mind and change my opinion of what’s possible.  

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