"Want a Mentor?"

Guest blog by Dan Reiland

My mentor, John Maxwell, has written and spoken about being mentored by the great coach John Wooden among others. I recently received a question by email asking: "How does one go about getting the greatest NCAA coach (John Wooden) as a mentor? Did he (Maxwell) just ask for regular meetings and what does mentorship look like?"

Good questions.

I will admit that getting John Wooden as a coach is an extraordinary circumstance involving an extraordinary leader. But on the other hand, John Maxwell didn't start there. It was only after nearly 30 years of successful leadership that John was able to connect with Coach Wooden. It was John's desire to grow and his great passion to add value to people's lives that made the difference. The fact that John is a tremendous student is also a very significant part of the story.

Over the years I've wondered which is more important -- to have a great mentor or to be a great student? The easy answer is both. But more and more I think the secret is in being a great student. You can have the most brilliant mentor in the world, even a famous one, but if you aren't ready to pay the price, dig in, learn and change, it won't matter.

I love John's early stories about offering to pay $100.00 for an hour of someone's time just to ask questions and learn. Back then $100.00 might as well have been $1,000.00!! But that didn't matter to John. That showed how serious he was, and at age 65 John is still passionate about learning and growing. I think that's one of the reasons his books and talks are so good. They come not only from (now) 40 years of experience, but also from a fresh place of learning and relevancy.

In contrast, I've seen men and women receive an hour or so of someone's time and show up ill-prepared. They had no written questions. They talked more than listened and expressed very little gratitude. It was almost as if they had some time to kill and thought that might be fun. When you do that to a busy person, they will not give you a second meeting.

So, do you want a mentor? Let me offer some good advice.

1. Be good at something first.

This might sound strange, but you need to be good at something before you ask someone to help you be great at something. You can be good at anything! That doesn't matter. You may want to be a great leader and your only claim to fame is that you are really good at golf or giving a talk. Maybe you are brilliant at math or a technological genius type. Here's the point, if you are good at something, you have shown the passion and discipline to create the needed potential to become great at what you really want. I don't want to discourage you, but if you've just been hanging out and you've never worked hard at anything, you're not ready for a mentor. Perhaps you're a young adult and your only claim to fame is that you were an A student in college. Great! That's what I'm talking about. Get good at something first.

2. Seek someone just a little ahead of you.

A common mistake is to think: "If I'm going for a mentor, I'm going right to the top and getting the best." I appreciate the sentiment, but you are likely making a mistake. For example, if a pastor who serves in a church of 500 seeks a mentor who pastors a church of 5,000, the two of them clearly live in two different worlds and they barely speak the same language. Yes, leadership principles are leadership principles. That's true, but trust me on this, and this is the key, you are much better off being mentored by someone who understands where you are because they were there at one time, and maybe even not so long ago! If you lead a church of 500 try to get a mentor who leads a church of 800 to 1,200. This is not a legalistic thing. Don't get hung up on the numbers, just go with the idea. And of course, make the ask.

3. Think intentionally organic.

Don't ask for lots of regularly scheduled meetings. You will likely lose a potential mentor that way. Don't ask for monthly or even quarterly connects. Go for a more intentionally organic approach. Here's what I mean. If you can hang with a couple meetings (phone or in person) a year plus a few short emails, you might be surprised by how quickly you get a yes. Intentional refers to staying strategic and on purpose and the organic simply means to catch the meetings when it works out naturally in both your schedules.

You don't need lots of meetings, not if you really want to change and grow. Information requires lots of meetings -- transformation requires only a few. If you connect with a good mentor two or three times in a year, that is plenty. It will take you at least that much time between conversations to really put to practice what was given to you. Now let's do the math, if you have two or three mentors, you can see that would be six to nine meetings a year – basically way too much.

Note #1: When it's a boss/employee relationship, of course you meet much more often, but much of that is just "doing business." That's natural and normal. It is unrealistic to think that's all mentoring. In fact, if it is, you are likely into something closer to a counseling relationship than coaching and mentoring.

Note #2: When it's a crisis situation, everything changes. If it's a true crisis, your mentor will get that and quickly respond, and that requires more time. Sometimes in those situations I encourage the one I'm coaching to hire a consultant who can devote the needed time, and I remain as chief encourager during that crisis time.

4. Work harder than your mentor.

Don't waste your mentor's time. Show up with well thought through and relevant questions. Take notes. Work hard to practice what was discussed, and the next time you talk, tell him or her what you have done.

A good mentor will always have some questions, a resource or two, and good advice, but the mentoring is more your job than his/hers. You set the agenda and come with it in writing. If your mentor asks you to do something, make the necessary adjustments, but do it. This does not prevent healthy disagreements and intense conversations, but you either want their advice or you don't. If you don't, that's ok, but then stop taking their time and end the mentoring relationship with respect and gratitude.

I've been blessed with five mentors over the course of my life and I'm grateful! I'm sure that's part of the reason I'm eager to coach as many as I can. I trust that you will also pass on what is given to you. 

ABOUT DAN

Dr. Dan Reiland serves as Executive Pastor at 12Stone Church in Lawrenceville, Georgia. He previously partnered with John Maxwell for 20 years, first as Executive Pastor at Skyline Wesleyan Church in San Diego, then as Vice President of Leadership and Church Development at INJOY. He and Dr. Maxwell still enjoy partnering on a number of church related projects together. Dan is best known as a leader with a pastor's heart, but is often described as one of the nations most innovative church thinkers. His passion is developing leaders for the local church so that the Great Commission is advanced. As a communicator, Dan has a down-to-earth style that combines humor and strategic thinking. Each year he "coaches" many pastors and speaks to several thousand people, impacting lives and strengthening the local church. Dan and his wife Patti live in Dacula, Georgia with their two children Mackenzie and John-Peter.

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Wet Cement

Guest post by Mark Collins

On a small corner of a sidewalk, on a non-descript street in the west end of Brantford my name is immortalized. mark collins 67. With fear, fondness and a small twig I carefully carved each letter in wet cement. It was so easy, the twig glided through the impressionable gravelly paste. To change it now would require a diamond tipped high speed grinder and three city employees.

I was reminded of this cement incident last summer while parked on the QEW waiting for a cement truck to fill a 36 inch round wooden form that would become the support pillar of a new four lane bridge. The weeks long preparation before the cement was poured became tedious. Daily, at the legal limit, I drove past as a cement footing was placed deep in the ground to prevent any shifting due to weight, freezing or ground conditions. Days later, iron workers came and cut, bent and welded reinforcement rod to create a metal inner support cage that eventually would be hidden by the cement. Time passed, hundreds of thousands of dollars were spent as they dug, welded and then created the exterior forms. Now I was watching fresh wet cement being shaped into pillars that will stand long after I am gone.

Conversely, at the Guelph Line exit, just off the QEW, there are the remains of a cement truck spill. It is an oddly shaped clump of cement. It serves absolutely no purpose, other than to remind me each morning of the importance of preparation, reinforcement and formation of wet cement.

A lead pastor recently emailed me to say that the staff person that he had so much hope for was taking a lot more time, effort and resources than he had originally thought would be necessary. As I read his email I became dismayed thinking that soon this staff person would be sensing a call somewhere else. Shocked, I read the next line. The lead pastor said, “But I am totally committed to him.  I have NO desire for a crash landing.  I have ALL the interest to see him be everything Jesus wants him to be.”

If we leave this next generation to simply be poured into meaningless forms they will be ignored, useless and non-productive for Christ’s Kingdom.      

The challenge is for all leaders to engage in shaping Godly leaders for the future. This will require skilled workmanship and resources. One cannot merely assemble some rough structures to temporarily navigate some tough patches, thinking that it will be a long term solution. Building people and leaders into pillars who are the upholders of Holy Living, Biblical Standards and Christ’s Love should be our key priority. It will require effort, support, resources and accountability.   

DID YOU KNOW?  The Temple in Jerusalem had two main support pillars. The name engraved in one of those pillars was Boaz. Psalm 144 “Then our sons in their youth will be like well-nurtured plants, and our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace.”

• This post was written by Mark Collins. He is a leadership consultant and a part of the Leadership Team for the Western Ontario District of the PAOC.

Key Leadership Qualities - Perspective

When we speak of perspective in regards to leadership, we're usually talking about the ability to see the big picture; the larger the organization, the more important this quality becomes. It's folly to think that all of us see the world the same way. The truth is we interpret the world through our own lens, based on experience, education, and any number of other factors.

Recognizing this fact is important for those in leadership. To ignore this reality can easily result in misinterpreting the facts and making wrong decisions that can adversely affect the organization. Beyond using your own judgement, process in dicision-making is important. So, here's the question, how do we maintain a proper perspective?

Gather the right people. Who needs to be in the room for you to have as clear a picture as possible of the situation? Consultation should include those who will be the most affected by the decision to be made. It should also include those who have particular expertise in the subject being discussed. I have a number of mentors that I can call on who are gifted or skilled in different areas. Their perspective adds to my own experience.

Get the facts. Knowledge is power. There's nothing worse than making a decision only to find out later that you didn't have all of the information you needed. Sometimes it's necessary to take the time to research; this need grows with the importance of the decision. What do you need to have in front of you in order to do the right thing? Don't be guilty of failing to do your homework.

Ask the right questions. This is about interpretation. Facts may be facts, but they can sometimes be open to interpretation. What do they mean? If you have trendlines moving up or down, the question is why? What are the factors influencing those trends? Are they internal or external? What do you hope to achieve with this decision? What are the benefits? Is the risk worth the reward? Create your own list of questions, who, what, where, when, why and how?

Perspective is really gained by all of these things and more. At the end of the day, it can be developed, but it seems to be another one of those innate gifts. The leader with perspective is able to see the effect of a decision, not just on a department, but on an entire organization. They're also able to see those effects from a long-term, rather than a short-term view. This type of leader is especially valuable because they see what others don't, and that is a huge advantage.

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Key Leadership Qualities - Discernment

This is the second of ten articles on leadership qualities based on the last chapter of John Maxwell's book, "The 360-Degree Leader." This quality is Discernment-Understanding The Real Issues.

Discernment is the ability to grasp, comprehend, and evaluate clearly. It means we can see the true nature of things; it allows us to distinguish between what is real and what is imitation. This is one of those intangible qualities that cannot be taught, but can be developed and improved upon over time.

As a leadership quality, there are very few that could be considered more valuable than discernment and, as Stephen Covey writes, "Discernment is often far more accurate than either observation or measurement." So, in what ways is discernment valuable?

Discernment helps you see beyond the facts. This is particularly helpful in the hiring process. How often have we sat across from people who were great interviewees, seemingly the perfect employee, only to find out later that it was all smoke and mirrors? If you have found yourself on the wrong end of these encounters, consider having a more gifted colleague sit in with you for their perspective.

Discernment can help sort out the best from the rest. There are times when we have to choose from a number of good options. These often result in the "paralysis of analysis," when we find ourselves stuck in a rut going back and forth between options. Discernment often can cut through the clutter to find the intangibles that result in the right choice.

Discernment can keep you from making the big mistake. Sometimes the best decisions we make are "none of the above." People with discernment will often speak of times when they just got that "check in their spirit" or "feeling in their gut" that caused them to back away from what would have been a bad decision.

As a Christian pastor I've had to rely often on God to help me in my decision making processes. Learning to hear that "still, small voice" has helped me often when big decisions have to be made. For me, I try never to make a decision of any consequence without first making it a matter of prayer. Understanding that, since discernment is usually about making the right decisions, what are some other ways we can help ensure that we do that?

Remember that there is "safety in the multitude of counselors" (Proverbs 11:14). I have a number of mentors that I can consult on different issues I may be facing. Their combined wisdom can save me from a world of hurt.

Try to avoid "snap" decisions. There are some decisions that obviously need to be made quickly, but, more often than not, nothing is lost in giving ourselves time to process. Sleeping on it will even allow your subconscious mind to perhaps give rise to questions or concerns you wouldn't have otherwise considered.

Ask the right questions. Will making this decision keep you aligned with the values and the vision of your organization? Who will be adversely affected by this decision? Are there personal issues which could impact your decision-making ability? Is this the right time?

Own the decision. Once you have made up your mind, move on. Take full responsibility for what you've decided, good or bad. If things don't work out, be sure to review the process to see what you've missed and so that you don't repeat the mistake. As John Powell has said: "The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing."

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Cool Link of the Day #3

Here's an excellent article for all of you busy people out there. Included in this article is a link to a free e-book by Michael Hyatt called "Creating Your Personal Life Plan." If you find yourself running around with too much to do and too little time  to do it in, this might be what you're looking for. I hope you enjoy it.

Creating Your Personal Life Plan

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Cool Link of the Day #2!
Cool Link of the Day!
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Cool Link of the Day!

Every once in a while I come across something that is worth sharing. This one is from Michael Hyatt, Chairman of Nelson Publishers. I hope you enjoy.

iMentor Steve Jobs

View more presentations from Coach Bay

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Where's A Good Mentor?

I've had a number of people express to me their need for a mentor and ask me how they go about finding one. Because I value the art of mentoring so highly, I wanted to address this. Generally, where a few are asking, many are feeling the need. Let me begin with some general principles that I've picked up over the years.

Everyone needs mentoring.
Asking for a mentor is not an admission of failure or weakness, it is an expression of a willingness to learn. Someone stated that "the self-taught man has a fool for a teacher." Each of us has room to grow and mature in various aspects of our lives. Mentors can be a great benefit to help us grow.

Mentors aren't perfect.
If you're looking for the complete package, the person who has the right answer to every question, you'll be looking for a long time. The reality is that each of us has strengths and weaknesses.

You may want more that one mentor.
Different people have different strengths. You may look to one individual to help you in a certain area of your life, say finances for example. You may choose another mentor for advice in helping you with your relationships. You also may actually outgrow a mentor. In that case, maintain the friendship but find someone else who can take you to the next level. A wise mentor will see this coming and perhaps even recommend someone else.

When you choose a mentor, reach up.
What I mean is this: the point of mentoring is to help you improve. Reach out of your circle. Aspire to a better place than you are today. Look for the best possible mentor and take a risk. Which leads to the next point.

Ask.
When I was making the transition from my previous church to Clearview Community, I had to attend some orientation meetings for my new denomination. The sessions were lead by the then District Superintendent, Bill Morrow. Bill and I had crossed paths a few times. He had a background in counselling and had been a successful pastor and leader for years. One of his sessions was on mentoring. At the end of the session he said that while he heard a lot of people talking about needing a mentor, he did not see a lot of people asking. So, I asked.

That was 15 years ago, and since that time Bill moved on to be the General Superintendent of the PAOC and is now the President of Masters College and Seminary. I have met with him over the years - usually when I've been in a crisis of decision or needing advice on how to face a ministry challenge. He has always been there when needed and has often referred me to someone who could help me in a specific way... But I had to ask.

How does one find a good mentor?
Firstly, if you're a Christian, pray that God would guide you to the right individual(s). Another key is to ask the right questions. What exactly is it that you're looking for help with? Identify that need. Is it with life in general? Is it with developing your spiritual life? Is it leadership? Is it in family life?

Once you've asked the right questions, look around you for someone you admire in that particular area. Make sure that they share the values you feel are important. Do you honestly feel that they have something they could teach you and are you willing to listen?

Buy them a coffee or an ice capp and ask them. Talk about how you see this working and how often and ask them if they're interested. Don't set anything in stone until you've given enough time for both of you to determine that it's something you want to pursue. Think about what you bring to the table. Perhaps that means buying them lunch once a month or at least expressing your appreciation.

Finally, look around you for someone into whom you could pour yourself. We ought to be reaching up to those who can teach us, but also reaching down to those who are now where we were. I believe that this is true ministry. It is a picture of Biblical community that is uniquely powerful and attractive. We can teach people from a distance, but we impact them up close. Let's grow together.